Keep on smiling, baby.Was there anything to hold on in the first place? Seems like it, but it's all me. I keep hanging when i actually want to let go. Inside, it burns to keep getting pushed away. First and foremost, i deserved this treatment. If i could just stop myself, perhaps i could stop reminiscing. This time, i have to make it clear. I truly blame me for putting myself in this position. Of course, nobody wants to give me advices, cos i'm not worth the talk. I won't listen, even if i'm repeatedly reminded. I still live in denial and i'm not afraid to face it. Unfortunately, i've been longing to let go, but nothing prevents me. Substitutes, you say? I'd end up using them. Yes, using. (I am officially bitching about myself.)Nevertheless, i could let go, but that'd be probably because i've got my eyes set on another. Even if i did, i'd end up toying with their feelings. Reason is, i just tend to turn back when i actually start to have a tinge of love for them. I sound like a bitch, i know. It sucks that i have to hurt, to please my own heart. It just never works, instead makes me despise myself. On the bright side, it's done. I can no longer feel that much pain i felt months back. Weird how much i've changed and actually got hurt in this phase. I just never think back of such moments in life, it just wasn't Emy. I shall now focus on what's better off searching for - my one true goal in life. At this point of time, i owe a lot of souls for their presence in this phase. I have yet to find someone i really like - preventing me from doing things. Things that are probably worse than cure. Trust me, as much as i love - i'd rather see you go.
Written with love; 11:17 pm
